Many years ago when I was agonizing about a decision I had to make, I learned about the replacement test. This test has guided me through some very difficult times in my life. It was most important when I was not in a good place emotionally. I am forever grateful for this tool.
So it goes like this. When you are at a crossroad about a decision and you are not sure what the right thing to do for yourself is, replace yourself with someone you love unconditionally. Think of how you would advise that person in the exact situation. Easy enough. You might ask: “Why do this? I’m totally capable of making my own choices.” The thing is that sometimes we might not feel good enough about ourselves or love ourselves enough in that moment to make the best decision for ourselves…..and a decision we might make could cause us more heartache in the long run.
I select my daughter when I take the replacement test. I find a place to sit where there is another chair or sofa in front of me. I actually visualize her sitting across from me. I review the pros and cons of the situation. Most of the time I write them out on paper. This helps me clearly evaluate what I’m dealing with. With my eyes shut, I am quiet for a moment. Sometimes the moment turns into an hour or two. I picture the whole scenario as if it is happening to her. I think if she is in this situation, what is the best thing for her in the long run. It might cause pain or be a hard thing to do initially, but in the end it is the healthiest decision. That is my answer.
No matter what my state of mind is, this test works for me because I am giving advice as her mother and as someone who loves her unconditionally. Any decision I make on her behalf for myself is the right one because that decision is done with pure love.
Try the replacement test for a minor or life altering decision. It just might be the way to give you the clarity you need to move forward in a loving, positive way.